THE BIOGRAPHY OF KRISTEN HENDERSON
Kristen was born on a small farm near the central part of the island known as France sometimes after Jesus stopped by to say hello in the continuum of time. Life in France was pretty typical until one fateful afternoon when she crashed her bike into an oak tree. While managing to wipe out on a bicycle with the training wheels still in tact can be rather impressive, friends and family were caught more off guard by her newly found ability to communicate with her invisible friend named Julius since the accident.
School life didn't interest the young Kristen Henderson much as English wasn't her second language so there wasn't much more she needed to get out of schooling. She found school life more rewarding with her time spent terrorizing the cafeteria lunch ladies on a daily basis, always demanding more and more tater tots, sometimes even convincing Julius to hide their hair nets in the mashed potatoes when her demands were not met. Luckily, her bad habits were curbed when she discovered her true calling—music.
Ever the observant one, Kristen's love for music developed somewhat subconsciously. In a panicked rush to destroy incriminating evidence condemning her for for cutting Home Economics to smoke a doobie in the girl's bathroom as the Vice Principal flung open the bathroom door, Kristen discovered the harmonious sound of simultaneously flushing toilets when it turned out that the adjoining stall was also occupied, though not by any Carolina Pathers cheerleaders. She took this novel concept and began experimenting musically, using simple everyday objects and familiar ambient sounds such as the sizzling sound of bacon frying in the pan, the buzz of sticking a fork into an outlet, and the constant tapping of dripping water from the ceiling into a bucket in the living room to create her music. While encouraging and supportive of their daughter's musical interests, her mom Missus and her dad Mister were growing weary from the ever mounting home improvement bills each time Kristen performed. After all, there is only so many ways you can break the garage door and so much bacon to be bought from the stores. In a noble move and a wise investment, Mister and Missus bought Kristen and big sister Cathy their first guitars.
Soon thereafter, Kristen, Julius, and Cathy were constantly forming new bands with new people, much like the ability of the People's Commissar of Hero Awareness to churn out one senseless site after another until the Internet reaches critical mass. Things finally began sticking like rice not made by Uncle Ben's when Cathy finally snapped after years of having to consider the opinions of imaginary Julius whenever making important band decisions, like names for the band. With Julius kicked out of the band and no longer in the picture, they were strangely able to all concur on a band name like Antigone Rising. Needless to say, no one expected a song name like New York Mining Disaster 1941 to be a smash hit single in 1966 either. The rest, as they say, is history, though history in Stalinist Russia gets rewritten more often than dates on an Antigone Rising tour page.
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